Kryptonite JoeL

EXAMS!!!!

2007-10-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

i cant believe im gonna say this but exams are actually quite fun..
HAHA kinda sick to think that way.. but the satisfaction of knowing u did better than u expected is just so good..
the papers so far were all kinda easy.. English, chem n math paper 1 were easy..
geography is kinda stupid.. beat about the bush so much dunno how to ask direct questions.. make it so confusing.. but still manageable..
ahwell.. gonna mug for maths paper 2 and (believe it or not) MT..

=)))

2007-10-10T07:22:00.001-07:00

13-15 hours of studying a day is really killing me... Zzz.. quite stressed out..

i need a break! but i cant.. after 'o' is my long looooooooong break.. haha

rant on feelings..

2007-10-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

i didnt think that it would be like this.. the feeling of hopelessness engulfs me like a flame... whats there to life that is so worth living?

so many things u do just make people disappointed even though they made u disappointed first.. u make a promise and try ur very best even if it means getting into trouble to keep it.. yet the other party who made a promise to u does try, but the effort she puts in... i dont know.. she says its hard.. but i've been lying practically my whole damned life... yet i havent lied about anything to her so far...
what sucks more.. is that u think of her as the 3rd most impt person after God and ur parents.. but end up.. she thinks ur nothing... even if u try so hard... ur just nothing but another human being to her.. that is irritating.. or just has alot of problems..

i try to open up to her.. but whenever i do.. i get shoved away.. without her knowing.. she gives me the cold shoulder almost everytime i see her, though it may not be throughout the day, but a portion of the time it will be like that..

i just wish that.. everything will be ok..

hah.. but what am i? a mere speck of dust... being carried away by the wind... nv to be remembered again...
u say u care... am i worth it? i find myself not worth anything.. care.. sympathy.. concern... help... am i worth all these?
i think not..

if promises are so hard to keep why do humans still keep them? and why is it i can keep at least one of them and not forget but she cant..?
it sometimes puzzles me.. im very sure if she puts her heart and soul to it she can do it.. but.. i guess... i just aint important enough for her to put in that effort..
yet i put in the effort to make sure i dun lie to her anymore..

haha.. im so retarded... she doesnt care...
yet.. i cant help it but care for her no matter how cold she is to me.. even when im angry at her.. i cant help but think of how she is feeling.. but does she know all these? i wouldnt know...

the pact:
we will tell each other everything no matter what..

my promises to her:
never lie to her
to break up with her should i stop loving her
quit smoking by february 2008
to trust her

her promises to me:
break up with me should she stop loving me
be more sensitive
dont give me attitude

treat me better
and to trust me..

haha i remembered
bet she forgot the last one..
but nothing is done about it..

i love her.. but she doesnt trust me.. haha.. kinda sucks..
when u put so much effort into smth and not see results..
u just get so fucking discouraged...
maybe she doesnt even notice the distress in me..
she made me make the pact.. but i dun think she's keeping it..
i dont care about what others say anymore..
but when we are in front of others.. there is smth different about her..
when we are along together... she treats me alot better...
maybe she's trying to put up a hard front.. at the expense of me..

but it doesnt matter how i feel anymore.. to me.. im nothing..
what matters now if just her.. and no one else.. cept for God n my parents..
i just want her happy.. but i cant seem to do anything about it..

i just suck... i bring so much hatred and anger with me everywhere..
i just wanna disappear..

O level stress..

2007-09-24T03:51:00.000-07:00

the stress of studying everyday is really getting to my head... so tired... been suffering from insomnia recently.. getting slightly better though... also had a lost of appetite... but i think its ok now... didnt post for a long time firstly is because im too lazy to.. secondly i've been studying.. thirdly im hardly home..
haha so ya.. going back to the books...

full of shit..

2007-09-04T05:38:00.000-07:00

only when love is gone, then u wanna treasure the person who was once there..
the once beautiful scenery is now gone, because the person has left..
only when u finally thought it through, the person doesnt care or cry for u anymore..
and everything starts crumbling down..
you loved the person so much, why did you let her go, why didnt you tell her how u were feeling..
u really loved her, and everyone could tell..
and yet, u hesitated..
now its gone..

i feel like crap...i feel worst than that...
forget it.. haha.. im so stupid..
y would anyone care?
but still.. im so down.. if i got any further...
i'd probably commit suicide..

booyah!

2007-08-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

haha.. so happy.. becoming more n more closer to her...
oww.. my tongue was bleeding just now.. but i put ice on it then now its ok..
haha..
so darn tired... lucky tmr no exams.. YOUTH ALIVE tmr nite yay...
3rd day le... im going to do it!! haha

i love her!! yay..
thx for being there for me all the time ok?

21 days of torture = lifetime of freedom

2007-08-29T06:31:00.001-07:00

the thing that sux most is the fact that i have to stay smoke free for 21 days to be officially called smoke free.. now is only the second say... and i have had all sorts of problems...
thanks for ur support all the time girl.. without u, i would have fallen into temptation.. thanks alot... it means alot to me... i also had to pray to get nyself out of temptation everynow n then...

WISH ME LUCK...

lifetime of freedom here i come!!! wahahaha

=)=)=)

2007-08-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

i had a great time today.. thanks to my beloved.. she really cheered me up... i love her.. i realized that we are really getting along much better..

i also managed to not smoke for one whole day.. nearly went mad by evening though.. stupid temptations... F off.. wahahaha..

thanks for the support... i love u dear..

well wish me luck for my prelims...

Revival

2007-08-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

been such a long time since i touched this blog.. deleted all the old posts cause i found myself stupidly retarded and childish.. gosh i feel so different from last time..the last time i wrote was like 2 years ago.. now everything will change, i feel.. different in my mindset from before..
at least i know i have grown more mature...
today is just so crappy... yesterday night all not much better... im just getting very very tired..
i just want everything to be normal.. yet i somehow find ways to screw up...

ohwell... i hope yeh come online earlier girl... i need a bit of comfort..